Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
