We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
