It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
