My first STD was from a foam party
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
