i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
