quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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