If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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