my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This baby is an asshole
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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