i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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