No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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