This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
