She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
