my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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