Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
