haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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