she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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