hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
