Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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