In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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