i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
