I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
