Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
