Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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