how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My vagina just recognized that song.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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