that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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