The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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