you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
