I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
