Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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