Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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