remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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