Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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