If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have feelings that need drinking.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
