We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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