You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
