please come you make the beer taste better
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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