So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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