Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
