Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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