Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
