My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
