You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
