Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
