if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
