I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
