I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Rumble strips road head = magical
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
