What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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