how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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