you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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