Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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