Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
