Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im six kinds of drunk right now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
