I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
