i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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